“But You Don’t Have My Problems!”

“You just don’t understand!”

“You don’t get what it’s like being me!”

“You don’t have the problems that I do!”

Though all of these statements can be true in their own respects, they can be some of the most annoying statements to hear.  

Yes, we’re all unique, and although we’ve been taught from a young age that you should “walk a mile in somebody else’s shoes”, we know that in life this isn’t always possible, and you’re never going to understand exactly what somebody else is going through.  However, that being said I have a real issue with people lashing out at others because “they don’t know what they’re going through”.

Somehow, we’ve come to live in a world where sharing your thoughts and feelings is considered “weird” and “overemotional”, so finding someone you can open up to with your problems is hard enough as it is.  The great thing about friendship is that you can bounce off of each other; you’re able to tell them your issues, and they’re able to do the same.  However, the problem arises when someone lashes out and you’re hit with a “but you don’t have my problems!”

You see, the issue here is that, though you may feel that you are dealing with something of more importance than your friends or family, there is absolutely no reason to belittle and demean somebody else’s issues at the expense of your own.  I understand that when looking at “the bigger picture” your issues could be on a much larger scale than your friends, (for instance, you could be dealing with a loss in your family and they could be stressing over a job they got rejected from) but that still doesn’t give you the right to act like their problems don’t matter.  

You see, everyone deals with their emotions differently.  Nowadays we know more about mental health and we should know that people process different “levels” of problems in different ways.  Your friend probably even understands that their issue is not on the same scale as yours, but at the end of the day, they still have an issue and they have trusted YOU enough to talk to about it.  Do.  Not.  Take.  That.  For.  Granted.

To imply that your problem/problems are of greater importance than theirs is essentially your way of telling them that their problems, and consequently themselves, don’t matter as much as you and your issues, and that’s an awfully horrible feeling to push upon your friends.  People don’t even realise they’re doing it most of the time, I mean, I’ve probably (most definitely) done it multiple times before, but it’s something that needs to stop ASAP.  We all go through roller-coasters of emotions and it’s hard enough building up the courage to talk to people about your problems but throwing around phrases like the ones above only have negative impacts on those who receive them.  You have the possibility of making those who thought they could trust you to comfort them see themselves as burdens through your eyes, and before you know it they’re back to feeling like they have to keep all their feelings bottled up.  (Which, by the way, nobody should do.  Ever.  It’s super unhealthy.)

I guess, what this rant was trying to say is that everybody’s problems matter, regardless of the size or severity of them, so be careful next time you go to snub someone else’s problem because you see yours as superior.  It’s hard enough not feeling like a burden when you go to someone else for support… don’t add to the problem.

Hope this was insightful, please share your thoughts with me in the comments!

Lots of love,

Jas xx