“But You Don’t Have My Problems!”

“You just don’t understand!”

“You don’t get what it’s like being me!”

“You don’t have the problems that I do!”

Though all of these statements can be true in their own respects, they can be some of the most annoying statements to hear.  

Yes, we’re all unique, and although we’ve been taught from a young age that you should “walk a mile in somebody else’s shoes”, we know that in life this isn’t always possible, and you’re never going to understand exactly what somebody else is going through.  However, that being said I have a real issue with people lashing out at others because “they don’t know what they’re going through”.

Somehow, we’ve come to live in a world where sharing your thoughts and feelings is considered “weird” and “overemotional”, so finding someone you can open up to with your problems is hard enough as it is.  The great thing about friendship is that you can bounce off of each other; you’re able to tell them your issues, and they’re able to do the same.  However, the problem arises when someone lashes out and you’re hit with a “but you don’t have my problems!”

You see, the issue here is that, though you may feel that you are dealing with something of more importance than your friends or family, there is absolutely no reason to belittle and demean somebody else’s issues at the expense of your own.  I understand that when looking at “the bigger picture” your issues could be on a much larger scale than your friends, (for instance, you could be dealing with a loss in your family and they could be stressing over a job they got rejected from) but that still doesn’t give you the right to act like their problems don’t matter.  

You see, everyone deals with their emotions differently.  Nowadays we know more about mental health and we should know that people process different “levels” of problems in different ways.  Your friend probably even understands that their issue is not on the same scale as yours, but at the end of the day, they still have an issue and they have trusted YOU enough to talk to about it.  Do.  Not.  Take.  That.  For.  Granted.

To imply that your problem/problems are of greater importance than theirs is essentially your way of telling them that their problems, and consequently themselves, don’t matter as much as you and your issues, and that’s an awfully horrible feeling to push upon your friends.  People don’t even realise they’re doing it most of the time, I mean, I’ve probably (most definitely) done it multiple times before, but it’s something that needs to stop ASAP.  We all go through roller-coasters of emotions and it’s hard enough building up the courage to talk to people about your problems but throwing around phrases like the ones above only have negative impacts on those who receive them.  You have the possibility of making those who thought they could trust you to comfort them see themselves as burdens through your eyes, and before you know it they’re back to feeling like they have to keep all their feelings bottled up.  (Which, by the way, nobody should do.  Ever.  It’s super unhealthy.)

I guess, what this rant was trying to say is that everybody’s problems matter, regardless of the size or severity of them, so be careful next time you go to snub someone else’s problem because you see yours as superior.  It’s hard enough not feeling like a burden when you go to someone else for support… don’t add to the problem.

Hope this was insightful, please share your thoughts with me in the comments!

Lots of love,

Jas xx

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27 thoughts on ““But You Don’t Have My Problems!”

  1. abetterwomancafe says:

    Oh girl! You’ve hit it on the nail. In this day and age some, if I can say a lot of “emotions” are irrational and unhealthy. I’m so happy to hear common sense still exist (can I rant?!) lol haha but I totally agree with this post. Sometimes we get so selfish and think we’re so consumed by our problems that anything anyone else says is selfish on their part. Which isn’t true, it’s jut an exchanging of trust and friendship. Great read.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Rin says:

    I think the biggest annoyance for me (which, thankfully, hasn’t come up much at all) is when someone’s like, “You have no idea what it’s like!” That’s a pretty big assumption. Even between folks who are very close, it’s always quite possible that you don’t know absolutely everything that someone else has gone through, so assuming that they can’t possibly know how you feel is pretty awful on its own.

    Liked by 1 person

    • thoughtsfromjasmine says:

      Yes, I completely relate to this! It’s horrible when people assume that you can’t possibly relate to everything that they’ve gone through. Although everyone experiences life differently you never know how similar your experiences can be.
      Jas xx

      Like

  3. Natasha says:

    Another great post Jasmine, and so well written too. I definitely agree, we all have our struggles and no matter the size or severity, they’re all real problems, even if some may consider them more trivial than others and when we share our problems we should be met with support and a kind ear, even if we’re struggling with things ourselves. I’ve always found that sharing a problem with a close friend or family member can be beneficial as usually someone very close to me is experiencing something similar, and we’ve been able to offer support and guidance, but it is very disheartening when we pour our emotions out and are met with someone telling us our problems aren’t that bad, or it could be worse, so you really hit the nail on the head there with your final paragraph, so thank you, great post! – Tasha

    Liked by 1 person

  4. All The Jazz says:

    I agree with you, but certain situations are different. For example, my friends and I are dealing with a friend that likes exaggerating her issues and saying she has all these different mental health issues when she clearly doesn’t. So in this situation, I can’t agree with you! But with any other situation I would

    Liked by 1 person

    • thoughtsfromjasmine says:

      Yeah it’s true every situation is different, however we must try to remember that different people are affected by things in different ways than we are. That being said, I don’t know your friend so I can’t say whether she falls under this haha
      Jas xx

      Liked by 1 person

      • All The Jazz says:

        Yeah, I’m not too sure she does too! That’s just something I’ll have to figure out. Thank you for writing this post, It’s something I’d never thought would be addressed and it’s so good it was🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Phaytea's Pulse says:

    I totally agree with you….. we all have issues we are dealing with and should also respect other people’s issues…no one’s problem should be termed bigger than the other….I wrote a post recently listing this as one of the things we do that leaves a bad impression

    Liked by 1 person

  6. angelanoelauthor says:

    I enjoyed your post, Jasmine! I once heard a wonderful TEDtalk by Ash Beckham where she helps illustrates the point I think you are making here: “There is no harder, there’s just hard.” Here’s her talk in case you’re interested. I so appreciate the call to action to listen courageously, despite our own problems. https://www.ted.com/talks/ash_beckham_we_re_all_hiding_something_let_s_find_the_courage_to_open_up

    Liked by 1 person

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