Am I Ashamed of my Blog?

I have been blogging for almost a year and a half now.  In that time I have gained 3800 followers, now regularly attend events and have collaborated with a variety of amazing brands.  People read my words, and they stick around to read more of them.  I literally grew this whole thing from nothing in a year and a half… and yet I still find it hard to feel proud of myself.  Why is that?

Don’t get me wrong, I am incredibly proud, and sometimes I have moments where I’m like “Wow.  I did this.  And I kept this going.”  I’m happy to discuss it with my close friends and family and I try and involve my friends in the form of events/PR that doesn’t work for me as much as I can.  However, when it comes to more distant people I know, I hate even mentioning the fact that I have a blog, let alone taking pride in the fact that it exists.  My own attitudes became evident when people I know in person (that aren’t my close friends) follow me on Twitter or follow my blog Instagram, and a little part of my cringes inside.  Nobody has ever been horrible about it; some have even gone out of their way to tell me that they like what I’m doing, and that can be great to hear.  However, I still feel so awkward proudly talking about it, or talking about it at all, and I don’t know why.

Perhaps some of it comes from the fact that I’ve always been a bit awkward talking about myself.  It obviously doesn’t seem like it because that’s pretty much all that I do on here, but I’ve never been one to throw myself in the spotlight.  I remember starting year 10  at a new(ish, I started in the last term of year 9 but I was still relatively unknown) on my birthday and not saying a word; eventually someone in my form found out and asked “Well why didn’t you tell anyone?”  To me, the answer was simple… nobody needed to know, but the more I thought about it, the more I realised that was a bit of a weird thing.  I’m not exactly a private person, and honestly the closer I am with you the more likely I am to overshare every single detail about my life, but when it comes to anybody else I get so scared that I’ll come across as braggy.  

I am so proud of everything I’ve accomplished; it’s been more than I ever thought I could, and yeah, some of the stuff I’ve been able to do as a result of it has been unbelievably cool.  However, that doesn’t change the fact that I cringe whenever somebody I’m not super close to brings my blog up in conversation, or follows me on Twitter/Instagram.  I shouldn’t be ashamed of it; everything I’ve done is a result of hard work and dedication, and yet a part of me still is.

I plan to be better at owning it, but it’s still going to take some time.  My confidence has skyrocketed from where it used to be pre-blog so I have confidence that I can get to a stage where I’m nothing but proud.  This is my blog.  I made this from scratch.  And that, in all honesty, is pretty unbelievable.

Hope you enjoyed this, just a bit of word vomit from my mind about a topic that’s been stressing me out for a while.  As I wrote in my last post, I’m officially back from summer, so I’m excited to get my blog properly back up and running!

Lots of love,

Jas xx

 

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