I turn 20 today.
20 years old.
A whole new decade of my life. And it’s both terrifying and exciting.
Anyone who knows me knows that I’m not a big fan of my birthday at all, and usually I do everything I possibly can to avoid the day, but, I don’t know, something about 20 seems different…
I’ve always been attracted to the idea of fresh starts; when I was in primary school I loved the first day of school, and the first day of new year, and every time I felt like I had a chance to start over. In retrospect, nothing really changed about me at all, and the “fresh starts” were never exactly drastic, but the idea has always appealed to me.
So, turning 20, whilst terrifying (I get very freaked out by life going past too quickly because of the death fear and stuff), is actually quite exciting for me. I used to see 20 as the mark of true adulthood… The age where I would have my life together and be living my future, but as I’ve gotten closer to it, I’ve realised that isn’t the case. Most of the TV shows, and movies, and even people I follow on Youtube centre around people in their twenties that are still just figuring life out. When you really think about it, your twenties is that sweet period of time where you have the independence you wanted as a child, but don’t quite have that responsibility you have further into adulthood. I’m excited to see where the next 10 years of my life takes me, who knows what it will hold?
I used to be someone that used to fear change and now the prospect of change excites me. This year alone I’ve been able to see myself transform from this super insecure, shy and unstable person into a confident, more level-headed version of myself. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not exactly the most confident person in the world and I still have moments where I don’t act level-headed at all, but I find myself doing things that a year ago I never would have considered. From small things like posing for pictures, to bigger things like being able to email brands and initiate conversation with strangers, every part of it makes me proud of myself.
What am I planning to do with my 20’s? Well, I’m really trying to use this next year to explore “finding myself” (as cheesy as that sounds). I want to figure out who I am… refine routines and my wardrobe and work out what I want to do in life, or at least get more of an inkling. My blog’s had a little makeover, complete with a brand new header designed by my fancy arts-school attending little sister (check out her Instagram here!), and I’m really working on putting my all into this blogging thing because my love’s really grown for it recently (post coming on that soon).
We look to our future and idolise it: expect ourselves to be better, and more together, and have everything sorted out… But by doing this we end up putting unneeded pressure on ourselves. The future me doesn’t have to be perfect, the future me doesn’t have to know exactly what she’s doing… all she needs to be is a developed version of me.
Who knows what kind of person I’ll be in 10 years time? Who knows what kind of person I’ll be in a years time? I’m excited to take this year and see what happens, and (hopefully) I’ll update you with this on here in a years time!
Hope you’re all having a lovely day! And for anyone who remembers the 20 things I wanted to go before 20 post, the results of that will be out on Saturday!
Lots of love,