So as you may know if you follow me on Instagram or keep up with my posts, I just spent the last week in Budapest. I had the most amazing time: the last few years has made me realise how much I love travelling and how much I want to do in the next few years whilst I have the time, so coming back from Budapest was incredibly bitter sweet.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy to be home with the family and friends that I left behind, but on the aeroplane back, I had a real good think about my issues with endings. I’ve made it pretty clear on here that since May/June I’ve been going through an awful lot of difficult stuff, and a lot of it had to do with endings that had arisen through no fault of my own. However, I realised that it wasn’t the ending that affected me so much, it was the fact that I never got closure.
Despite coming home from holiday being bittersweet, I saw what I needed to see and had a good time, so being back in England didn’t feel sad, it just felt right. However, I’ve realised that things affect me most when they end unfinished.
When I left my first secondary school I was numb for so long. It wasn’t because I loved it more than anything… honestly I was pretty indifferent about the school in general, but it hurt me because I never got a proper ending. It was very spontaneous; I was doing my biology homework on a random day in the middle of the week my mum came home and told me I was never going back. It hurt so much because I was just interrupted… I was never given a goodbye day, or a chance to finish anything… I was left without closure.
I like completeness. I like to feel like I’ve done everything I need to do and said everything I need to say, and when I don’t get that, I’ll admit, I go a little crazy. However, in light of recent events I’ve realised that sometimes people and things will let you down, and leave you without closure, and when this happens you have to find a way of getting closure for yourself. For me, this came pretty recently, but I’ve finally managed to do it and I feel so much better because of it. I’m not 100% over everything, and I know that it will take a long time before I am, but I’m in a very good place at the moment. And I intend to stay here.
This was pretty rambly again but aren’t all of my posts nowadays haha do I even need to declare it… Anyway, how are you guys doing? And how do you feel about closure? Let me know in the comments!
Lots of love,