I’ve moved schools 6 times (counting University), have never felt like I’ve “belonged” in a friendship group (until sixth form) and have been to the moon and back mentally so it’s safe to say I have a few issues when it comes to trusting people.
It’s not that I don’t trust people in general (okay, I guess broadly that’s kind of true), it’s just that I used to be quite naive and thought that everyone had good intentions at heart and so a few bad seeds have ruined me for the majority. I have a real issue with being vulnerable… It’s not a problem when I really trust a person but it takes me an awfully long time to be able to open up when it comes to people.
In some ways I’m a bit of a walking contradiction… I’d probably class myself as an over-sharer with trust issues. The second I feel remotely comfortable with you I’ll probably tell you more about my life then you ever wanted to know, but to me that’s different to trust. Telling you trivial stories about my life isn’t the same as believing I can depend on you and that you won’t hurt me. I’m an open book on the surface but it’s very rare that someone is allowed to get further than those initial opening pages.
Trust is such a massive thing to me. It’s not as trivial as who will keep my secrets, it’s more of a case of who will be come into my life and treat me with enough respect and care not to hurt me, and to just be around. I can be pretty stand-offish when it comes to the private stuff but once I trust someone that’s it, it goes from 0 to 100 real quick. It can be great sometimes because it allows me to let my guard down with the right people, but sometimes it backfires, and I end up hurt… you never know which way it’s gonna go, sometimes you have to just take that leap of faith.
I used to believe that if someone broke my trust, that was it, I’d never trust again. However, I’m older and (slightly) wiser now and I refuse to let a few bad seeds stop me from trusting a good bunch. It takes me longer, and I become more wary, but I get there eventually.
I have some real amazing friends, and I wouldn’t give them up for the world. I feel like I can tell them anything, free of judgement and I never take that for granted. They understand that trust is a two way street and honestly words couldn’t express my love and appreciation of them. If you have people like that in your life make sure you treat them right, because those people are diamonds.
This is so rambly and I don’t know if this makes any sense at all, but hey this is what happens with late night rambling… What are your thoughts on trust? Share your opinions in the comments…
Lots of love,