This last month has been a whirlwind of feelings emotions and acts and, as I’ve mentioned before, they haven’t been so positive. The amount of times I’ve flashed between sadness and anger and apathy these past couple weeks has been ridiculously intense and I kept telling myself that things take time but it’s hard to know how much time things will actually take. However, today (well, yesterday by the time you’re reading this), by some miracle I made it through and finally just… got over it.
It wasn’t in an angry way, and it wasn’t in an apathetic way (my usual method of dealing with things), I just finally got to terms with the fact that everything happens for a reason. You see, recently, I’ve felt so out of control… I was doing the right things and trying as hard as I could but things were falling apart because of something that was out of my hands, and the control freak in me just couldn’t handle it. However, today it finally clicked in my head; you can blame every circumstance that you want, but at the end of the day that won’t change what’s happened. I like to believe that everything that happens, happens for a reason, and if things are meant to be, who knows, they’ll work out eventually.
For example, when I was 14 I was sat in my living room one day and my mum came in and told me that I wouldn’t be going back to the school I was at because we could no longer afford it. I didn’t know how to feel… I was sad but I couldn’t cry, I didn’t really react at all. I spent the next 4/5 months at home, waiting for another school and feeling completely emotionless. At this point I felt like everything I’d worked for was a waste; I was a brainy kid who was now months behind and could see any chance of a “good education” floating away from her.
I didn’t want to be the new girl. I didn’t want to start all over again. And I was at a point where it really felt like the end for me. But if that hadn’t happened I wouldn’t have met the amazing people I know now, I probably wouldn’t be half as grounded as I am today and I probably wouldn’t have ended up at the University I’m at. (Despite the last few weeks of madness) I’m incredibly happy with where my life is at, and it never would have been like this if I hadn’t left that school 6 years ago (wow I’m old…).
You see, there’s only so long you can let your emotions fester and blame yourself/others/the world. Eventually, you have to take your losses and your sadness and let it make you stronger. Who knows? The things that seem like the end of the world now could be the things that you look back on in 5/10 years and think “Look how far I’ve come”. If things are really supposed to sort themselves out then they will eventually, all you need is patience and acceptance within yourself. I personally am finally there with the current events in my life, and I hope that you can all use this whenever you feel like everything is falling apart.
Hope you’re all doing great! And if you’re not feel free to hit me up on Twitter or Instagram or in the comments, I’m happy to be an ear that’s listening…
Lots of love,