Happy Valentines Day to you all! I have ridiculous love for anyone who bothers to follow/give my blog a read so secretly you guys are all my Valentines… Xoxoxo
I wanted to do a Valentines themed post but I had no idea what to do – makeup? date ideas? Valentines DIY? None of them really felt like me… So I figured I may as well give a little explanation of my views on love, relationships and all that jazz. (I, out of all of you reading, am probably most intrigued to see where this post goes because, honestly, I’ve never actually clearly laid out how I feel about love…)
I used to be really against the phrase “I love you”. It’s tossed around so much in society… people went through that stage at like 12/13 of declaring their love after a week of “dating” and overtime it’s kind of got void of meaning. I didn’t want someone telling me they loved me just for the sake of it. If it is said, then it has to be meant… and that adds a terrible amount of pressure to the word. (Especially if you’re a little afraid of serious relationships like me…)
I definitely believe that it’s one of those things you just… know. Love probably feels different for every person (I mean, I can’t say for certain – I’m only one person), but when you feel it, you know. I feel like at the start of a new relationship (or even a new crush or flirtationship to be honest) I’m a lot happier and life seems a lot brighter and I don’t know… It just feels pretty cool. However, being the overthinker that I am, that soon becomes a period of dread and doubt and taking a (small) step back emotionally to evaluate whether the situation is worth investing in. (Did I mention that I’m a little cynical?)
I’ve never been one for big extravagant exclamations about my love life… I rarely put anything about it on the internet. Don’t get me wrong, I find the couples that post Instagram pictures and stuff together really cute and I will happily like them and smile at their adorable nature, but it’s just not for me. I’ll gush to my close friends about my love life and share loads with the people I’m closest to, but my fear of posting everything online is the awkward removal of everything if the relationship ends. For all you know, the relationship you’re posting about could be the relationship that lasts… But I have trust issues. Therefore, unless it gets super serious, the big details are kept to myself and my close friends.
Lessons I’ve Learnt
I’ve been in relationships, I’ve been single, I’ve had crushes and I’ve been on random dates, and what I’ve realised over time is that (although it sounds extremely cliche) you need to love yourself before you can love somebody else. Yes, having someone like you romantically can do wonders for your self confidence temporarily, but if you don’t have at least some confidence in yourself as a person, that relationship begins on shaky ground. You can’t go into a relationship believing that “you’re not worth the attention” or that “you don’t deserve the other person”. Those thoughts are toxic and could lead to insecurities and jealousy and a lack of trust, so it’s so important to sort yourself out before getting involved with someone else.
I think what I’ve learnt, especially recently, is that every relationship is different and you can’t compare yours to others. There are couples that are inseparable and cannot last more than 2 minutes without each other, but just because you and your partner are not like that, does not mean your relationship is “broken” or “less perfect”. I’m currently in a long distance relationship and we see each other once or twice a month if we’re lucky (And if Uni work doesn’t get in the way). Does that mean we don’t love each or we’re not as close? Not at all! We may have a different dynamic going, but it doesn’t stop us from being together because all relationships are different.
So, there you have it. I’m sorry if this was rather rambley… I had no real direction, I just wanted to have an open and honest conversation with you guys. Hope you enjoyed it!
Feel free to leave your own thoughts about love in the comments! (I’m curious)
Lots of love,